While the majority of people wouldn’t call themselves “racist,” the Black Lives Matter movement has surfaced a lot of stereotypes, beliefs, and emotions that many of us have (unfortunately) never thought much about. We all have all formed stereotypes based on what we’ve seen and heard in our life, but often those stereotypes are neither morally right nor based on fact. Furthermore, racism isn’t just limited to individual stereotyping or seen only in “bad people” – it is structurally embedded in so many aspects of our society. Until we understand fully how and why systemic racism exists, we won’t be able to solve for it.
Growing up as a white female in a middle-class family, I was fortunate to live in a home where all were welcome, and my parents had black friends and had always taught us that black people are no different than us. That being said, we didn’t specifically talk a lot about racism or what our black friends may go through that might be different from our experience, and until this movement, I wouldn’t have thought to necessarily teach my children about it either.
But we should be talking about it! This was a huge takeaway for me as I’ve educated myself on the movement. We shouldn’t sweep the known disparities that the black population faces under the rug or talk as though these disparities don’t exist – the looming “elephant in the room.” Black inequality should be a part of our conversations in the home and with our children. So while we have come a long way in regards to inequalities among different races, we also have a long way to go, and we are currently in a critical and change-inducing time right now as our country looks to acknowledge and address these beliefs and actions. I’m really excited about these conversations taking place! My hope is that we can unite under the values of equality and justice and come out of this tumultuous time as a better, stronger country.
As we know, children are so impressionable, and before they even learn to talk, they are observing their world and forming beliefs based on what they see and hear. So where and how do we start these conversations to help create an antiracist environment from the very start? Here are some tips and resources to utilize as a guide:
- Educate yourself. I can’t stress this enough, as I’ve gone through my own learning process while reading up on the Black Lives Matter movement and have realized how much I didn’t know. If you have an Instagram account, @theconsciouskid has an amazing guide for talking to kids about race that I will reference throughout this post. (To access it, go to their stories titled “Antiracist Kids”, then click on the words “How to Talk To Kids About Race”, and then “View Guide”). I recommend this Ted Talk by Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum about not assuming that kids are “color-blind” and how to address these conversations with children. Another great resource is this NPR podcast episode, “Talking Race With Young Children,” and I love this article on “Raising Race-Conscious Children.” There are so many other resources out there as well, so I encourage you to do your own research and see what you find. I also wanted to address a few common misconceptions that have come up during the BLM movement: White privilege does not mean that a person has had an easy life, that he/she has not a lot of hardships, or that he/she has not had to work hard to be successful. All it means that skin color is not one of the contributing factors in the hardships that that individual has had to face – they may have experienced other hardships, but skin color is not one of them. Secondly, by responding to Black Lives Matter with “All lives matter,” you are downplaying the movement and the justice that is needed. As I’ve heard a pastor explain it, the inequality of black people is “the house on fire right now.” If a house was on fire in your neighborhood, and the firemen were putting out the fire, and you went over to that home and said, “All the houses in this neighborhood matter,” they would say, “Yes, they all matter, but this is the house that’s on fire right now.” In the same way, if someone told you that their father died, and you responded with, “Everyone dies at some point,” you would be saying something truthful, but it doesn’t make it the appropriate or right response. We want to practice empathy. Some people might ask, what about the other people of color who have to deal with racism? To be clear, the stereotypes between blacks and other people of color are not necessarily the same. I personally have an Asian family member, and as she mentioned, she certainly doesn’t fear for her life when she gets stopped by the police like many black people do. All lives do matter, but BLM is rightfully focusing on black discrimination. The best thing we can do is teach our kids that black lives do matter, and that no form of discrimination against any race or culture is right nor should be tolerated.
- Don’t make it political. This is a big one for American parents: The media unfortunately does a great job at dividing the country and portraying that you have to take a Republican or Democratic viewpoint on racial matters, which is not the case. Regardless of your political affiliation, opinion of the President, or religious affiliation for that matter, you can and should stand for equality, because it is the right thing to do. People should not be discriminated against because of the skin they were born with, period. The first step in eliminating racial injustice in our country is to acknowledge that it exists, and to step up and agree to be part of the solution. This doesn’t mean that you personally have to be out there protesting, nor does it mean that you need to have specific political/legislative changes in mind, but what it does mean is that you are going to make efforts to eliminate your personal stereotypes and are not going to make excuses for those are contributing to the problem. It also means that you are responsible for raising children (if you have children) in environment that promotes equality, justice, and unity.
- Don’t be silent. These conversations are so important – see the resources I listed above for how to have them. Don’t wait for your child to bring them up, as the subject has been taboo for so long that we all subconsciously feel awkward talking about it, and even young children pick up on this. Additionally, seize teachable moments – be ready if your child does bring up the topic. Embrace curiosity, be prepared to explain why skin colors differ (more or less melanin) and the history of racism in America, clearly state what’s fair and unfair, challenge your child’s intolerant behaviors, and encourage action from your child against observed intolerant behavior among peers.
- Exposure is everything. The books in the photos above are a few of the many, many children’s books that promote kindness, celebrate diversity and acceptance, teach black history, or have a black child as the main character. Some other favorites include The Colors of Us by Karen Katz, You Matter by Christian Robinson, Freedom on the Menu by Carole Boston Weatherford, M is for Melanin by Tiffany Rose, and Max and the Tag-Along Moon by Floyd Cooper. What color skin do your child’s dolls and toys have? Do they watch shows and movies with black children as the main character? Who are you inviting over to your home? When children are exposed to diversity regularly, it will be easy for them to embrace it.
- Walk the walk. As stated on @theconsciouskid guide on How to Talk To Kids About Racism, “Be intentional about seeking out, valuing, and supporting creators, authors, colleagues, neighbors, professionals, and educators of color.” This kind of goes along with exposure, but as parents, it’s important to show – not just tell – kids that we not only know people who are black, but that black people can do everything that white people can do. We respect people of all skin colors, and no skin color is better than another. We don’t see only white doctors nor prefer white teachers over black. Even if you’ve never chosen doctors, teachers, and other professionals based on skin color, it’s great to ask yourself whether that circle of professionals around you is representative of your beliefs that everyone should have equal opportunity. In the world we live in, we naturally congregate with those who are the same as us, and that’s why it’s important to be intentional with these decisions. I’m not suggesting to go drop all of your white doctors, but it’s certainly food for thought in the future if you have a choice of qualified professionals and are trying to send the right message to your children.
I hope that this post inspires you to get out there and do your homework on how you can bring your kids up to be antiracist – there are so many resources out there, especially right now! I’d love to hear about your favorite antiracist books and toys, the conversations you’re having with your children, and your tips and tricks for promoting equality and celebrating diversity in your home.