Archives for July 2021

Whew, where to begin?  As I mentioned briefly in this post, I had a pretty easy pregnancy and a fairly uncomplicated delivery, but the “fourth trimester” was much more challenging.  It’s hard to put into words now… back when I was right in the throes of it all, I probably could have written a book about the different struggles we were facing – it felt like it was one thing after another going wrong with my recovery, and then our adjustment to life with a newborn and our lack of sleep was definitely more difficult than I had expected.

To give you an idea, I got mastitis when Carson was two weeks old, and we experienced Snowmageddon when he was three weeks old (think no power in zero degree weather for days on end + a wood-burning fireplace + firewood kept outside = thirty-something degrees indoor temperature, then add trying to get the hang of nursing a three-week-old baby in frigid temperatures after having mastitis… it was a little rough, to say the least).  When Carson was four weeks old, I had thrush following my round of mastitis antibiotics, and at five weeks old, he was going through a “leap” and/or growth spurt and was very fussy for several days – something we weren’t yet used to (but would eventually learn to deal with!).  And then at six weeks, I went to my OB-GYN for my check-up and found out that I wasn’t healed… more on that below.

(This whole Snowmageddon event was way less glamorous than it appeared in these photos, ha.  We were freezing our buns off!)

Anyway, it’s a good thing that I didn’t write this post when I was in the midst of it, because as time goes on and you have a chance to step back and reflect, you certainly gain perspective.  While it was one of the most challenging times of my life, the reality is that I suddenly I woke up one day on the other side of it all and I realized that I loved being a mom and that having my sweet boy was the best thing that ever happened to me.  When he was a newborn, I was just trying to survive each day, but now I feel like I can enjoy him – and I do!  Our favorite part of the day is when we are spending time with him.  I also recognize just how short the newborn period was, because even though it felt long when I was going through it, I feel like I blinked and now we’re already in a new phase with a busy little boy who sleeps through the night and learns new things every day.  I feel like myself again, and things look so much different now than what you’ll read about in this post – what a difference that a little bit of time (and good sleep!) can make.  Anyway, here’s an update on my fourth trimester:

Recovery:  While Carson’s birth was pretty straightforward – I did have stitches, but I didn’t have a C-section nor any complications when he was born – there were some unexpected complications that arose during the healing process.  In the weeks after his birth, neither my pain “down there” nor my bleeding was really improving, but because I’d never given birth before, I also didn’t know what was normal.  When I went to my six week checkup with my OB-GYN, I found out that one of my stitches had become infected, so I was prescribed some topical medication and told to come back in a month.  However, after that month, it still wasn’t healed and had developed significant scar tissue, so my doctor had to cauterize the area.  After that appointment, the pain started improving, and when I went back for another checkup two weeks later (twelve weeks after I had given birth), the area was finally healed.  Unfortunately, that wasn’t all…

I scheduled another appointment a couple weeks later to get an IUD placed, which is the most recommended form of birth control when you are breastfeeding (and even when you’re not) due to its high efficacy.  I had never had one before, and they do make you aware up front that there is a slight risk of uterine wall perforation.  This risk is higher in breastfeeding women, but it is still relatively low, and I never thought that I would be one of the very few women to have this happen.

Unfortunately, the device did perforate my uterus.  The nurse practitioner had put it in, and my doctor believes that it most likely happened during the placement, because she had had some trouble placing it, and I had immediately felt significant sharp pains during the procedure that came and went but never subsided.  An ultrasound is typically scheduled for two weeks after the procedure to ensure that the device was placed correctly, and because of my sharp pain, the doctor pushed up that ultrasound by a week, where it was confirmed that the device was no longer in my uterus and would have to be surgically removed from my body.  I had an x-ray so they could locate the device, and a surgery was scheduled for the following day.  My doctor had only had to surgically remove an IUD two other times in her long career, so it was a pretty rare circumstance.

Thankfully, it was only a day surgery that wasn’t painful, but I had to be intubated and put under general anesthesia, and I had three small incisions in my abdomen.  The doctor found the device right near my colon, and I had given her approval to reinsert an IUD when she was removing the other one, just because that would be the safest and easiest way to place it now that they were performing the surgery.  Interestingly, when she went to place the new one, the device immediately re-punctured the hole that it had originally punctured through, and because of this, the doctor didn’t reinsert it, and told me after the surgery that she would not recommend that I get another one any time soon.  I had to resort to other less optimal forms of birth control, but I’m glad to have recovered and have those complications behind me!

Sleep:  The most obvious challenge with having a newborn is the inevitable lack of sleep, and despite being well aware of this prior to having a child, it really was a doozy for me!  Yes, I was as tired as I look in all these photos, ha.  What I can say is that I definitely love and value (and need) my sleep!  There is nothing that truly prepares you for the sleepless nights or long days of being a walking zombie.  Sleep affects your mood, the way you handle a problem or conflict, and can literally impact the way you view life!  Carson began sleeping seven to ten hours straight most nights after he was three months old (THANK YOU, Taking Cara Babies!), and once he did, I felt so much happier and more in control of my emotions, and everything felt much more manageable.

Breastfeeding:  I was determined to breastfeed, but I had my fair share of breastfeeding struggles as a new mom.  My mom had loved breastfeeding and had told me all about how amazing it is, but although she did warn me that it’s difficult at the beginning, it’s not easy to remember all the details about WHY it’s hard at first.  I don’t think that I really fully understand what hardships to expect when I started, and that’s why it was probably the most surprising struggle for me as a new mother (plus, some women just have more breastfeeding challenges than others, and I was one of those who experienced some of those challenges).  I plan on doing a whole post (or two!) on breastfeeding and the tidbits that I learned along the way (with a special thanks to several friends and family members who helped immensely), but if I’m being completely honest, I absolutely hated it at first.  I thankfully didn’t have issues with my milk supply like many women experience, but it was painful, especially when I got mastitis during my first two weeks (as mentioned above) and then got a yeast infection on my upper body and breasts following my round of antibiotics for the mastitis (fortunately Carson never showed signs of thrush).  However, once I got through these early challenges, breastfeeding started going smoothly, and by 6-8 weeks, I really, really loved it (and still do).  My mom was so right!  And I learned so much in the process that I can’t wait to share.

Emotions:  I’ve always been a pretty even-keel personality type with very few mood swings, but the first two weeks postpartum are absolutely insane.  I was lucky to have a good friend check in on me during my first week at home, and she casually mentioned that she pretty much cried every night when the sun went down for the first couple weeks after giving birth to her son.  I was so relieved to know that I wasn’t the only one!  My emotions were literally all over the place, especially at night like she had mentioned.  I noticed significant improvement after two weeks in this area, but I still had random emotional moments every so often for the first six weeks or so, although it can be hard to attribute these specifically to hormones, a lack of sleep, or just general adjustment to life with a newborn (it was probably all of the above!).

I distinctly remember Carson’s one month appointment with the pediatrician… Jamie and I hadn’t hardly gotten any sleep the night before, and in our frustration and exhaustion, words had been said to each other, and my eyes were all puffy from crying.  I still felt so on the edge of tears and was barely holding it together, and then the nurse asked me, as they do with the typical screening of mothers, if I was having any symptoms of postpartum depression, and I completely lost it and burst into tears while at the same time I told her that no, I wasn’t (haha).  Postpartum depression is certainly nothing to laugh about, but I think that moment is funny to me now because I really didn’t experience postpartum depression and was actually pretty emotionally stable at this stage, but we all have tough days and she caught me in the wrong moment!  I can laugh about it now though.  I do feel blessed that I didn’t have depression nor a whole lot of emotional issues besides the usual hormonal stuff.

Marriage:  A few weeks before Carson was born, I had asked a friend who just had a baby about life with a newborn, and she had told me that the newborn stage gets a bad rap, but that it’s really not as bad as people say and that it will bring Jamie and me closer as a couple.  Full disclosure:  When Jamie and I were going through the newborn stage, we did not feel that it was bringing us closer!  Now, looking back after having gotten through it together, we would probably agree with her and say that we do feel stronger and closer as a couple having experienced this together, but at the time, I definitely remember thinking that having a newborn was NOT bringing us closer and wondering what was wrong with us.  The exhaustion and the big life adjustment brought more conflict, heated moments, and fights, but once we started getting more sleep, that helped a lot.  Also, without sharing too much, my issues “down there” didn’t expedite the romance!  Thankfully, we got through it and came out of it stronger and better than before.

This was before our first date night without the baby!

Exercise:  Besides regular walks that we started back up a week or two after Carson was born, exercise was admittedly nonexistent for me until about twelve weeks postpartum.  I was still dealing with lots of pain/discomfort down there for most of those twelve weeks, and I just wasn’t able to prioritize anything other than walks early on.  Jamie and I started modified Insanity Workouts together around twelve weeks postpartum, and then in early June we bought a used jogging stroller and started running together again, but course we were past the fourth trimester by that point!

Weight & Body Changes:  I quickly found out that the weight that you gain during pregnancy takes a while to come off, even if you really don’t gain a ton during your pregnancy.  To be honest, I didn’t put a lot of focus on my weight during the fourth trimester – I rarely, if ever, weighed myself at home during the first several months, but I did notice that every time I went to the doctor, my weight dropped, and a little over four months after giving birth, I was down to within three pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight by my surgery.  Most of this was probably due to breastfeeding and healthy-ish eating… I still had a decent appetite because of the breastfeeding, but some of the not-so-healthy foods that I had craved during pregnancy no longer appealed to me as much (fried foods, ice cream, etc.).  That being said, my stomach is definitely “softer” than it was before having a baby… I guess that’s the price we pay, right?  I’m hoping it tightens up over time and with core exercises.  I was also still dealing with the flare-up of rosacea on my nose that had gotten worse in late pregnancy since I couldn’t take anything for it… not the greatest for self-esteem, but then again, I wasn’t really going places or attempting to look “cute” at this point anyway!

Work:  There are a few good things that have come out of the pandemic, and one of these was Jamie’s opportunity to work from home in his job, as well as my opportunity to slowly transition back to work from maternity leave.  I started off working from home for several weeks, and then went into the office on an as-needed basis (typically a few hours on a few days per week), and finally started working from the office Tuesday through Thursday with modified hours (I work from home in the later part of the afternoons).  It has been absolutely wonderful to have the flexibility to do this with my company, and it’s been such a blessing – far from the traumatic going-back-to-work experience that I had envisioned.

The most interesting thing to me about going back to work three days a week was that I enjoyed it so much from the first week I started doing it – I had really dreaded it, but when I actually started going into the office, I felt so productive and loved the distraction-free environment.  I could be 100% engaged and not feel like I was juggling too many things.  I felt more confident, better connected with my teammates, and more up-to-date on current projects.

I am SO appreciative of my mom, who watches Carson four days a week – she was the number one reason that I had an easy transition back to work, and it puts me at ease to know that Carson is being cared for by someone who loves him as much as I do.  Both my parents, and especially my mom, have stepped in to assist when I had surgery, when Jamie and I were desperately in need of sleep, when I had mastitis, and on so many other occasions.  We are so grateful for their help and support.

 

Life Adjustment:  I would be lying if I said that having a baby wasn’t a major life adjustment.  We certainly missed our date nights and freedom at the beginning – because I waited a while to pump, it just wasn’t an option at first, and then when I did finally start pumping, it was a lot of work to prepare everything needed for the baby when we would leave for only a few hours.  But eventually, we got used to that (especially when I went back to work), and we also got used to taking the baby with us when we went out, which seems like such an incredible feat when he was tiny!

The funny thing is that before I had a baby, I had all these big plans of traveling the world with my little babes in tow and imagined that I would be the type of mom who wouldn’t be afraid to go anywhere with her newborn.  But then COVID-19 happened, and then I actually had a kid, and well… let’s just say that it wasn’t as easy as it looked!  I used to be so nervous to take Carson anywhere (especially by myself!) because it took so much effort, and there were a lot of logistics involved, and we were paranoid that he would make so much as a peep in public (spoiler alert: He did, because hello, he’s a baby, and we even lived to tell the tale), and because doing anything out of the routine was a big freaking deal.  We found, though, that the more we brought him places, the more comfortable with it we became.

We also had to adjust to not getting as much done around the house and not having much free time to do the things that we wanted to do.  That hit me hard at first as I nursed my newborn around the clock.  I remember thinking so often, how is it seriously already time to feed him again?!  You end up spending so much time feeding your baby early on if you breastfeed, and I mistakenly thought that once I started pumping and someone else could feed Carson that I would have a little more free time, but instead you end up pumping during that time!  I felt like I didn’t have time for anything else.  Jamie found it challenging to not have his usual nights and weekends to clean up the house and watch his shows – he now had to watch the baby a lot during those times, because I was on maternity leave, and by the time the evenings/weekends rolled around, mama needed a break!

And finally, with COVID-19 still a risk when Carson was born, as well as all the typical health risks of newborns that doctors and hospitals warn parents about, Jamie and I had to make some decisions as parents to help protect Carson until he got older and stronger, which led to some unexpected family conflict.  We ultimately had to protect our newborn son first and foremost, and we are grateful that we were able to do that (in the midst of a global pandemic, no less).  We have gotten through it and will do what we can to ensure that we can facilitate and build those relationships with family, because we care so much about our family, and we want nothing more than for Carson to have an amazing relationship with his family too.

We certainly had our set of challenges, but WE SURVIVED the newborn stage, and thankfully we turned a corner and the “fifth trimester” has been nothing short of wonderful!  It really was as though a switch was flipped, and our happiness is so tangible now.  My heart feels like it could burst every day with the love that I have for our boy.  He is everything to us – the light of our lives – and Jamie and I have now truly experienced the pure joy that is being a parent.  This will be my last “trimester” update, but without a doubt, I’ll be updating you on parent life as we go!